光陰似箭，爸爸与小丁的故事，說了一年了。
在這一整年間，爸爸經歷了很多事情，人生起伏，傷心欲絕，到走出困境，重整思想，与小丁繼續上路，整個過程的点滴，途中出現過的人和事，思想的漸漸改變，都盡在這個blog。
在這個blog，我一直只用「爸爸」代替「我」，因為，我的對像，只是小丁，這是留給小丁的說話，亦是小丁童年的一些点滴，如何教育小丁的背后理念。
當初用「爸爸与小丁」這個名字，是因為「小丁」本為媽媽以前的一隻最愛的bear bear 熊名字，后來孩子出生，便索性叫孩子做「丁」，當然孩子的真正名字並非小丁，只是現在我也慣稱孩子為「丁」。
在這個小小的園地，認識了很多素未謀面的朋友，其中亦有數位能有緣与我父子相見，加深彼此認識，實為難得，也是意料之外。
一年前，站在分岔口前，作出了决擇。今天，又站在另一分岔口前，需要决擇了……
假期將至，又是与小丁狂玩的好日子，爸爸會与小丁上山下海，走遍各區，先由本周六開始，爸爸會帶小丁与近期偶像「爆龍戰士」合照 (也不知是從哪裹学到這人物)，順到往澳海域看聖誕樹。
24号，要看小丁媽媽來不來接小丁了，相信不會吧，假如不來，就和小丁往南生圍走走，享受自然，晚上回家，和小丁平平安安的渡過。
其實，只要小丁在身邊，去哪裹也都是一樣？
爸爸与小丁的故事，轉眼也差不多寫了一年。
由一年多前的情緒波動，到中間的轉換工作，應付難題，出庭官司，小丁爭奪戰，單親家庭，痛失家園，米奇出現与消失，快樂星期六，孤獨星期天，結交新朋友，潛龍勿用，再覓新工，受傷入院……重重起伏，心也在轉變。
開始定下來，心也不轉動了。
對小丁比從前少了擔心，信心大了，經過一年多的單獨感情陪養，父子倆人已經建立了親密關系，雖還不比母子天生的親密，但努力已見成效。
對於個人感情，自知心理負擔太重，心動也不動，很麻木，也怕投入，一個可以靜靜聽，用心了解的朋友，比一個伴侶更重要，因為，心靈需要遠比肉體需要更重要。
爸爸很享受一份簡單真心的友誼，這樣的百分百投入，很舒服，也沒有顧累，令人無憂。爸爸非常珍惜這份友誼，不想失去，也不想改變。
心靈上的朋友，太重要了。
這是一場沒有勝利者的戰爭。爸爸和媽媽都輸了。
爸爸輸了一個家。
媽媽輸了人格、自尊，和一生。
孩子最終受害。
爸爸能做的，就是做好一個父親的榜樣，不可行錯。不能要孩子也輸掉，也不要孩子做一個無自信的人。
爸爸輸了，但不能倒下。
收到一位朋友 vyvy 的見解，原想在 comment 欄中 post 出來，但不成功。
很感謝各位朋友的意見，我与多位雖然素未謀面，但仍感受到各位對小丁的關心，無言感謝。
作為一個單親父親，在管教小孩子方面可謂費盡力心，一方面要顧及那小小心靈，但又不可過份放任，要教小孩子怎樣分辮是非，亦要顧及小孩子對母親的需要，那是一項很艱巨的責任。
一個人帶着孩子，雖有親人幫忙照顧起居，但看到孩子那被扭曲的價值觀，那种心痛，只有身為父母才可親身体會。
但我從未想過放棄管教孩子，因為連爸爸也撐不住，孩子又会變成什麼模樣?
我也在fine tune 我的教導方法，在此，感謝各位的支持。
hi ding,
am sorry that you're going to have another long entry of response.
let me first say a little about ppl dropping random messages on other's blogs. i think u just want to express your feelings and hope people can lend you an ear, rather than giving you a lecture on this and that based on what you said without really knowing what is happening.
i understand how you feel and am believe that with consistent efforts, baby ding won't be 'shaped' by his mother's 'liberating' teaching approach. although it could take a little time for him to figure out why his dear parents hold different opinions, as mentioned by ang quoting Piaget's work on the congnitive development of children that children may not be able to do logical reasoning until seven years old or so.
however, his work is yet to be adequate enough to draw conclusions on your 'tyrannous' approach to educating your son, i think.
first of all, piaget's work is considered a radical change to educational systems and has inspired a lot in the educational systems in the u.s. and europe. as far as i know (correct me if i am wrong), his idea on intelligence that whether children should be 'crammed' with rules set by adults or they should be encouraged to explore and form 'rules' themselves used to be a hot topic in the 80's. NOW, people tend to see things from more perspectives. even piaget himself shut his mouth about this and start talking about other things like how children develop higher order thinking.
don't really want to say a lot of academic stuff here, but i would like to say that it's not appropriate to apply one single perspective, by the same academic, stated like over 25 years ago, to a real-live case which is about teaching the kid about correct moral values.
pedagogical approaches are debatable; learning beliefs are debatable; however, the correctness on moral values, is not.
there is always a crystal clear-cut on moral values, or ppl don't need to spend so much time reinforcing the importance of filial piety. of course, some parents are rediculous, being grateful to them is what we should do. u don't tell a 3-yr-old to judge whether it's appropriate or not to be grateful to your parents. i think that is rediculous.
i still remember on the first day of university, gertrude, a world renowned prof in the education field, told us that a teacher should be caring but firm. graduated from OISE, the top educational institiute in the northern america and canada, she still thinks building up certain thing (no tv games, for instance)as a routine practice is a way to help humans get used to it. in the sociological perspective, it's true that schools are an institution to condition ppl.
don't you admit that every thing on the earth is a social institution? schools, prisons, churches, families. it's inevitable that we're socialized in a way.
but the father now is trying to help build up a good and healthy attitude to life. what's wrong with him? why do you make a big fuss of it?
i understand that there are many parents or ppl who have deviant beliefs. ppl who think buying magazines reporting explicit figures not a big deal, ppl talking about the private life of popstars as if it concerns them. well, how are ppl (not only young ppl, but all ppl in hk) going to 'judge' this when the majority is doing the same? don't you know, according to some big names in psychology, ppl tend to follow what the majority are doing?
if it goes on like like, i think more ppl are quitting teaching. it's just so unbearable. u need to 'reshape' the students, their parents and all the others….
原文 — whatding — 2006-11-05 13:39:39
星期日，應該是一家人共聚天倫的好日子。但星期日對於我們一家，就如登天一樣難。
在小丁眼中，爸爸与媽媽是不應該同時出現，所以，星期日，是小丁与媽媽的日子，而拒絕爸爸的出現。
爸爸心很痛。
痛的，是小丁該有的家庭概念，已消失得無影無踪。
小丁只有3歲半。
不能寫下去了。
星期日，應該是一家人共聚天倫的好日子。但星期日對於我們一家，就如登天一樣難。
在小丁眼中，爸爸与媽媽是不應該同時出現，所以，星期日，是小丁与媽媽的日子，而拒絕爸爸的出現。
爸爸心很痛。
痛的，是小丁該有的家庭概念，已消失得無影無踪。
小丁只有3歲半。
不能寫下去了。
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